Blog Post

Pre-marital Sex and Soul Ties

Pre-marital sex is sex done before marriage. Sex outside of marriage is equally as bad but for this post I will be focusing on premarital sex.

Pre-marital sex clouds your judgment as you are unable to make good choices/decisions as a result.

In our modern world, we undermine the power of sex, vows and commitment. People date whoever, whenever and however forgetting that there is a spiritual part to it. Sexual immorality is seen as nothing and it doesn’t bother people anymore. Many believers are allowing the world to guard them on what sex is about instead of following the word of God. The truth is that the devil always downplays the consequence of sin. He doesn’t come up to you and say “girl, premarital sex is fun because it helps you get STDs, unwanted pregnancy, murder due to abortion and soul ties. So I think you should have it”. Instead he will tell you it feels good and that you should just do it only this time. He will remind you of the many people who are doing it and make you forget those who aren’t. He will magnify the immediate satisfaction you will get from doing it and make it very appealing until you start getting shivers and butterflies in your belly. He will make the idea fun as he starts to flood your mind with those sex scenes you see in movies and before you know it, you are hooked.

There are reasons why God has told us not to have premarital sex. They include;

  • Sexually Transmitted Diseases
  • Unwanted pregnancy
  • Murder due to abortion
  • Identity crisis
  • Loss of self esteem
  • Depression
  • Bad reputation
  • Insecurity
  • Heartbreaks
  • Emotional instability

One of the greatest consequences of pre-marital sex which we often don't talk about is soul ties. I will be focusing on it today.

What is a soul tie?

Before I define what a soul tie is, I would like to begin by defining what a soul is because this will help us understand this topic a lot better.

Our soul is the part of us that consists of our minds, characters, thoughts and feelings. It is where we feel love and emotions. With that off the way, a soul tie can be defined as a connection or a linkage in the soul between two people. It is formed when your feelings, mind, character and thoughts is intertwined with someone else. When you have a soul tie, you are not whole because you have a fragment of someone else in you and a fragment of you in someone else. This creates a longing in your heart to be with that person whose fragment you have in your soul. Soul tie ties two souls together in the spiritual realm and its aim is to make both souls become one flesh.

Although we can’t find the words ‘soul tie’ in the bible, it does speak of souls being knit together as seen in the case of David and Jonathan and also souls becoming one flesh as in the case of marriage.

A soul tie can be good or bad. In marriage, the bible says the man and woman becomes one flesh.

“This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Genesis 2:24

Their souls are knitted together like a magnet. Their purpose becomes one. Their feelings towards each other is united.

How can a soul tie be formed?

Sexual intercourse: Sex is a beautiful thing created by God for our enjoyment only in the context of marriage. The purpose of sex is to bring about a physical, emotional and spiritual bond that ties two people together. When you become sexually intimate with someone else, you are bringing that person into the most private part of you. A part that no one else should be allowed to see. It is the highest level of vulnerability, exposure and secrecy. It is a beautiful secret that should be kept between two married people.

Vows and commitments: There is power in the words we say. Hence the bible tells us to control our tongue. Humans are emotional beings and when vows are made, there is an expectation that those vows will be fulfilled. If someone makes a promise to you that they want to spend the rest of their lives with you, it is normal for you to start picturing that life. Ladies, we fall into this trap of already living in the future with a guy just because a vow and commitment has been made. You start linking your future and destiny with this person and this forms an emotional soul tie. Vows and commitments ties the souls of the individuals involved because it becomes difficult to view life without seeing it through the lens of the other; thereby idolising that person. Condoms and other types of birth controls does not protect you from spiritually transmitted infections (soul ties).

Close relationships and friendships: In 1 Samuel 18, we see a beautiful story of David and Jonathan. In verse 1, the bibles says there souls were knit together. In this case, it was a healthy one because they based their friendship on commitment to God, not just each other.

Symptoms of a soul tie

  • Obsessive thought about someone. Unable to get that person off your mind
  • Thinking of someone else when being intimate with your spouse
  • Feeling like you can’t move on with life without that person
  • Hearing that person’s voice in your head
  • Having a feeling of being watched by someone else
  • Unable to leave a relationship even when abusive because you feel an undetachable connection binding you to him
  • When you begin to exhibit the negative traits of that person
  • Feeling like you are mentally tormented by someone else

Dangers of soul ties

Divorce: A soul tie doesn’t get broken merely because you are now married. I believe it is one of the greatest causes of divorce because there will always be a comparison going on in the mind of the person who has a soul tie. Even when married, your spouse never seems to be enough because you will be comparing him with how the other guy used to make you feel.

Loss of self-esteem: Remember I mentioned that pre-marital sex results in other people having fragments of you and vice versa. This leads to a lack of self-esteem. Sex brings about vulnerability. You end up having that feeling that a part of you which shouldn’t have been exposed, have been seen by someone else. This feeling of loss brings about shame and loss of self-worth.

Identity crisis: The above point leads to you asking yourself several questions.

“Who am I?”

“What have I done to myself?”

“Why did I…?”

“I don’t like myself”

Regrets: You end up wishing you could turn back the hands of time.

How to break soul ties.

Acknowledgement. If you have the traits listed above, stop living in denial and acknowledge that something is right. This is the first step to healing. You cannot heal if you don’t accept that you need healing.

Prayer. This includes prayer of repentance. As you pray, renounce any vow or commitment made. Words as simple as “I can never do without you” needs to be renounced verbally. There is nothing like mere words. The bible says life and death are in the power of the tongue.

Accountability. Sin thrives in secrecy. Find someone reliable to confess this to; preferably a prayer partner or a spiritual mentor. This point ties in with prayer. Yes you can pray alone and break soul ties. However I have seen many cases where people end up day dreaming about this person in place of prayer. I believe there is a reason why the bible talks about laying of hands by elders. I don’t believe this only applies to sickness. I suggest you find someone who can pray over you and pray along with you. Someone who you respect enough and who you are willing to be vulnerable to in this manner.

Get rid of everything that reminds you of that person. Pictures, gifts, and anything that brings back the memory of that person should be destroyed because each time you see those gifts or images, you are reminded of the individual you are trying to clear off your mind. Praying and coming back always to the things that reminds you of him won’t help you in any way.

Block contacts. Delete his number and block him on all social media platforms. The reason for this is that you need time to heal and find yourself again. There might be a reason to reconnect (in very rare circumstances). However, as you find your way to healing, it’s highly advisable that you don’t leave open gates for his thoughts to creep him again.

Study the word of God. Hebrews 4:12 talks about the power in the word of God. Let the word of God permeates your heart. Decide to live according to what the word of God says. Believe that you are no longer a slave to fear and enjoy the freedom that comes from Jesus Christ!


***Image from google images***




Odose 2019-03-05 16:34:05

Very Insightful ...

carlos SP 2019-03-05 16:22:05

I still do not understand why in the world, teens in beginning puberty, and also adults, do not have regular classes with doctors and nurses in class, or in their churches. "To demystify (no mystique) means to withdraw the mystical character of something, that is, to withdraw the mysterious and deceiving character of something. And no mythify (no myth) means to withdraw the character of myth from something, that is, to withdraw the fantastic character of something." It is necessary to demystify the myth of romantic and/or dramatic love, even though it is a warm event. There are still those, especially men, who call the feeling of ownership of the other, usually being the woman, as "love or passion"; and that this justifies killing them, in case the other does not submit and want his freedom, and to live his own life. This is what I call the "twilight of the male."

2019-03-05 16:22:01

Relevant, Efua!

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About Me

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Efua is a Christian, wife, mother to three kids, works full time. She is also a speaker, blogger and a girl’s mentor. She is purpose driven and very passionate about helping girls live a life of purity and purpose. She devotes her time to helping girls walk through the different seasons of their lives in a way that brings honour and glory to God.